This is where we put our funny or unusual story, joke, or picture of the week. We hope it brightens up your day and brings a little laughter into your life. Sometimes there is only one a week, sometimes several, but not often none. We hope you get a chuckle or inspiration from them!
The Aussie Drink Driver (True Story)
Drink Driving... THIS is absolutely brilliant! Only an Aussie could pull this one off!
From the state where drink driving is considered a sport, comes a true story from the Sunshine Coast, Queensland. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighbourhood tavern. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car, which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number
of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night), flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few cm, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyser test. To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man's intoxication. The police officer said 'I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station - this breathalyser equipment must be
broken.'
'I doubt it,' said the man, 'tonight I'm the designated decoy'.
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A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman : Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer : Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman : Oh, I see.
Officer : Can I see your license please?
Older Woman : I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer : Don't have one?
Older Woman : Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer : I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman : I can't do that.
Officer : Why not?
Older Woman : I stole this car.
Officer : Stole it?
Older Woman : Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer : You what?
Older Woman : His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2 : Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman : Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2 : One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman : Murdered the owner?
Officer 2 : Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2 : Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman : Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2 : One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2 : Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman : Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
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THIS IS A FIRE RAINBOW - THE RAREST OF ALL NATURALLY OCCURRING ATMOSPHERIC PHENOMENA. THE PICTURE WAS CAPTURED THIS WEEK ON THE IDAHO/WASHINGTON BORDER. THE EVENT LASTED ABOUT 1 HOUR. THE CLOUDS HAVE TO BE CIRRUS, AT LEAST 20K FEET IN THE AIR, WITH JUST THE RIGHT
AMOUNT OF ICE CRYSTALS AND THE SUN HAS TO HIT THE CLOUDS AT PRECISELY 58 DEGREES FARENHEIT.
God's handiwork. Beautiful sight! Pass along for others to see!!
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Thought you might be interested in this article which by the way is true!!!
A NY man retired. He wanted to use his retirement money wisely so it would last, and decided to buy a home and a few acres in Portugal. The modest farmhouse had been vacant for 15yrs; the owner and wife both had died, and there were no heirs.
The house was sold to pay taxes. There had been several lookers, but the large barn had steel doors, and they had been welded shut. Nobody wanted to go to the extra expense to see what was in the barn, and it wasn't complimentary to the property anyway......so, nobody made an offer on the place.
The NY guy bought it at just over half of the property's worth, moved in, and set about to tear into the barn.......curiosity was killing him. So, he and his wife bought a generator, and a couple of grinders.......and cut through the welds.
What was in the barn...............?
There are quite a few classic Minis. You will have to go to the web site to see everything, which is interesting.
Go to:
http://www.intuh.net/barnfinds/
and start wishing you had bought the place!
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Prime Minister Gordon Brown's Heart Attack
While on his morning walk, Prime Minister Gordon Brown falls over, has a heart attack and dies because the accident and emergency dept at his nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time.
So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Welcome to Heaven," says Saint Peter, "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a Socialist around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm a believer," says the PM.
"I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from God Himself. He says that since the implementation of his new HEAVEN CHOICES policy, you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity."
"But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," replies Brown.
"I'm sorry ... But we have our rules," Peter interjects. And, with that, St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down .....all the way to Hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course. The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The temperature is a perfect 22C degrees. In the distance is a beautiful club-house. Standing in front of it is Harold Wilson and thousands of other Socialist luminaries who had helped him out over the years --- John Smith, Michael Foot, Jim Callaghan, etc. The whole of the Labour Party leaders were there... Everyone laughing, happy, and casually but expensively dressed.
They run to greet him, to hug him and to reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants.'
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. The Devil himself comes up to Brown with a frosty drink, "Have a tequila and relax, Gord!"
"Uh, I can't drink anymore, I took a pledge," says Brown, dejectedly.
"This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry and it just gets better from there!"
Brown takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is a really very friendly bloke who tells funny jokes like himself and pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like the ones the Labour Party pulled with the European Constitution and the Education, Immigration, Tough on Crime promises.
They are having such a great time that, before he realises it, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Brown steps on the elevator and heads upward.
When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and Saint Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening the gate.
So for 24 hours Brown is made to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other than money and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or short-arse joke among them. No fancy country clubs here and, while the
food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor... He doesn't see anybody he knows and he isn't even treated like someone special!
"Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself. "Harold Wilson never prepared me for this!"
The day done, Saint Peter returns and says, "Well, you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for Eternity."
With the 'Deal or No Deal' theme playing softly in the background, Brown reflects for a minute ... Then answers: "Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all -- but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends."
So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell.
The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial wasteland, looking a bit like the eroded, rabbit and fox affected Australian outback, but worse and more desolate.
He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the roadside rubbish and putting it into black plastic bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime.
The Devil comes over to Brown and puts an arm around his shoulder." I don't understand," stammers a shocked Brown, "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviar and drank tequila. We lazed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!"
The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly and purrs, "Yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us!"
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The Girl at the Beach
A Couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach
almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off. But occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something she carried in her bag.
The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure, they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife said, 'Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?'
He hadn't -- and said so.
Then she said, 'Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing.'
Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up & down with anticipation when she saw the girl
talk to her husband and then leave.
The man then walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.'Well, Is she selling drugs?' she asked
excitedly. 'No, she's not,' he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.
'Well, what is it then? What does she do?' his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said, 'She's a battery salesperson.'
'Batteries?' cried the wife.
'Yes ....' he replied -
She sells C cells down by the seashore.
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Life in the Luxury Lane
Anybody ready to sell their house???? I Am.
I don't want to pay property taxes anymore.....think I'll take to the road.....what do you think????
   
What do you think about my decision?
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Amazing Hummingbirds
HUMMINGBIRDS ARE SO PRETTY..
This lady lives in a Hummingbird fly zone. As they migrated, about 20 of them were in her yard. She took the little red dish, filled it with sugar water and this is the result.
The Woman is Abagail Alfano of Pine, Louisiana - she has been studying them daily and one morning put the cup from the feeder, with water in it, in her hand; as they had gotten used to her standing by the feeder they came over to her hand. She says in touching they are as light as a feather. Abagail also said, 'if she had known her husband was taking pictures she would have put on makeup.'
 ??
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